Short, But Sweet for Certain

Short, But Sweet For Certain…

            Well it is official. We are coming home. After learning that our stay here in Ethiopia was, in fact, going to come to an early end I found myself with a ticket for one crazy ride on the emotional roller coaster. I don’t think I would have ever anticipated having so many mixed feelings about going home. Of course, to me there is no place like home and no feeling like that of being surrounded by my loved ones…but I am beginning to realize all of the wonderful things and people that I will also be leaving behind. In such a short time, strangers became friends…and now have become family. Faith has been tested and a million times renewed. Hurts and disappointments have been revealed and replaced with grace and hope. This little girl has come alive to the wonder of the gospel in ways I could’ve never imagined…and I can’t help but wonder… “Is THAT why I was called to Ethiopia? Is THAT why I am now being called…back home?!” I have learned so much from this team, the beautiful people I’ve met here and this opportunity to experience a different culture. Although I didn’t think it was possible to feel more love than what I was bringing with me on this journey, after just a few short months, my heart is beginning to burst at the seams.

            I’ve struggled with trying to understand how this could be the end of the work God has called us to do…but after finding the peace that comes from much prayer, I now find myself asking… “What if this is actually just the beginning?” It’s a bittersweet feeling to know what I’m leaving behind and at the same time know what is waiting for me at home. I’ve been blessed far beyond what I deserve and to think that I’ve barely scraped the surface just astounds me. My prayer is for boldness to share what I’ve seen and learned over the past few months and for endurance to keep running the race. I know that this sweet season of my life has been preparing me for the mission that lies ahead of me. I don’t have a clue what or where that mission may be, but I do know that I have a loving God directing my path and all he’s asking me to do right now is simply…trust and obey.

Be Here now!

Be here now!

            I just have a hard time believing that God would mean for this amazing experience to be cut so short. Is our work finished? More importantly…is His work finished? When ‘Project Ethiopia’ was first presented to me over a casual meal conversation at a friend’s wedding reception, the thought was that my minimum commitment term would be two years. That’s a long time, I thought. I prayed and I prayed. Was THIS God’s will for me? A year later as the conversation became more real, I was told that I would only be asked for a one year teaching commitment. That’s still a pretty long time, I thought. Again, I prayed and prayed. Was THIS God’s will for me? After announcing my resignation at the college and breaking the news to my loved ones that I would be leaving, I learned that the school I was going to teach at would not be opening this year and that my term had been shortened to ten months. Again, I prayed and prayed. God – this IS your will for me, right? We knew coming into this venture that there were no promises or guarantees about the length of our stay. We could stay the full ten months…or only ten weeks…or only ten days. We came here sharing the mentality that each day is a gift and we’d better make the most of it while we have it.

            Months before I left home to come here, a wonderful friend gave me the best advice. She said to “BE HERE NOW.” What she meant was that I needed to truly embrace everyone and everything around me in the time that I had left. “Truly LIVE each minute…regret nothing. Don’t ‘check out’ here because your mind is already in Ethiopia.” I think knowing that I had the chance to love on people and share GOOD goodbyes before I left has really helped me enjoy my time here even more. Since coming to Ethiopia, I’ve completely lost all sense of time and calendar days. If you asked me how long our team has been here, there’s no way I would give you an accurate response without looking at a calendar…but that’s something that I haven’t really done since I’ve been here. I thought I would just be counting down the days until I got to return home, but instead I’ve been completely lost in time here. In such a short time I’ve experienced so much, learned so much and grown so much more than I guess I expected to.

            Over the past month it seems that we have been knocked down so many times. There is so much that we have yet to learn about this process…and so much that has changed even since we’ve been here. We’ve faced so much opposition regarding the school, obtaining our canister of supplies, receiving our work permits as well as other things. With each day and each meeting, the news we have received has been so discouraging. Knowing and trusting in the fact that God was and is completely in control…completely sovereign…completely faithful renews our hope each time. Today we sat down to discuss the reality of what could happen in the next month. Our visas run out at the beginning of November and without the work permits, we could be forced leave here and go home. Whoa! Three months in Ethiopia is just not long enough! I just have a hard time believing that God would mean for this amazing experience to be cut so short. Is our work finished? More importantly…is His work finished? Again, I am praying and praying. God, what is YOUR will…for me…for the team…for this project…

            At this point I don’t know what will happen, but I do know one thing: I find myself treasuring the advice of my friend now even more… “BE HERE NOW. Truly embrace everyone and everything around you in the time that you have left. Truly LIVE each minute…regret nothing. Don’t check out here because your mind is already in Dahlonega.”

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36

sometimes it's just plain ol' ugly...

Sometimes it’s just plain ol’ ugly…

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1-3

God loves us just as we are. BUT, He loves us way too much to leave us the way we are. This is a truth that I’ve often shared with friends, but I’ve seldom reminded myself…until I came to Ethiopia. I thought that God’s work in my life over the past year was preparing me to come to Africa to change lives for Him. It is now very apparent to me that work He’s done in my heart over the past year was preparing me to come to Africa…so He could change ME.

For the first time in my life, I am away from ‘home.’ I’m away from my family, my friends, organizations that I’m involved in, my job, my hometown where everyone knows me and all of the other things that, for so long, have defined who I am. I find myself in a completely foreign country with people who, until now, knew absolutely nothing about me…completely stripped of conveniences, comforts, titles, reputations and anything else I’ve spent my life working for. I have nothing to boast in…and no one to boast to. The other people on my team are in the same boat as me, so I no longer have a need to wear a mask confidently pretending that I’ve got everything under control. We share many struggles and we share many joys. As a team we’ve been meeting weekly to study and discuss the Bible through a series that Michael has been leading us through, called ‘Peacemakers.’ At first it was a huge struggle for me, because the deeper we went, the more God was revealing to me about my heart…things that I didn’t want to see or believe could be true. The sinful nature of my heart was beginning to surface in the forms of pride and self-righteousness something awful. Just like Jesus was describing to his disciples in the scripture above…I was being pruned. I’m sure most of you know that this isn’t really an easy process. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s just plain ol’ ugly. Though it was very difficult for me, I had to ask myself if I would allow that refining process to take place…if I would allow God to do his complete work in me…or would I just let myself get in the way. I know you’re thinking that I really didn’t need to come all the way to Africa to allow God to break me…but the sad reality is that, I really did. Before coming to Ethiopia, much of my time was consumed with work…and when I wasn’t at work, I was working to earn acceptance and praise from other people. I spent very little of my time focusing on the ONE thing that matters most. I had to be brought to a place where I could be in control of nothing…where I had to be completely and totally dependent on God alone.

Am I glad I came here? Without a doubt! Is God finished with me? Not a chance! It may be hard at times, but I am so thankful for God’s perfect love that longs for me to be fruitful and beautiful in Him. I went back and forth for a while about whether I should share this part of my Ethiopian experience on a blog for everyone to read, but after much prayer I decided that the people who read this are probably the ones who love me the most and will continue to challenge me and hold me accountable when I get home.

FORENGE!!

Forenge! Forenge!

Ok, so we stand out a little. But do we have to be reminded every time we leave our house? “Forenge! Forenge!” Whether we’re just walking down the sidewalk, waiting for a taxi, buying produce at the shop, going to church, riding in a car, whatever – we can never get away from the outspoken reminders that we are FORENGE, or foreigners, in Ethiopia. Since we have been here, this has been our label…and for some, all that they see. Sometimes it is shouted with excitement. Sometimes it is mumbled in a disapproving tone. Sometimes it is used as, what seems like, a term of endearment. Sometimes it is simply stated (just in case we weren’t aware). Sometimes it is used as a sidewalk greeting (in which we have begun responding with ‘Abisha,’ meaning Ethiopian…this normally gets a pretty funny response). Sometimes (or most of the time) it is followed by an outstretched hand and “give me money.” As if this were taught to children in their limited English vocabulary. “All white people are rich.” Oh, if they only knew.

This got me to thinkin’…how often do I make people feel as if they are outsiders or “forenge”…at school, at work, hanging out with friends, at church even? I mean, I’ve never personally yelled at someone giving them the permanent label of a foreigner, but I’m sure there are countless times that a new person showed up and I didn’t go out of my way to make them feel welcomed or loved. I’m thinking that’s pretty much the same thing, right? Instead, I’m guilty of carrying my preconceived notions and making my judgments well before I’ve even introduced myself. I realize that at times I am not much different than the sidewalk kids saying, “Forenge! Give me money!”  Gosh, it’s so much easier to assume we know all about a person by their looks, their clothing, what they’re driving, etc. than it is to actually look deep into the individual and get to know them. How many people would’ve stayed in school, made more of an effort at work, become best friends, kept coming to church and maybe even listened to the gospel for the first time if they felt like they belonged?...if I made them feel like they belonged…like they were welcomed and loved? Oh man! Deep thoughts.

“And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt.”

Deuteronomy 10:19

Bible Study Fellowship!

Bible Study Fellowship

            Oh what a blessing B.S.F. has been! When I first found out about this Bible study, my first thoughts selfishly turned to the fact that we would be giving up such a big chunk of our Saturdays – the only days we truly have for ourselves – for another ‘meeting.’ It only took one visit to realize just how wrong I really was. This was so much more than just another meeting. In fact, this was so much more than just another Bible study. I am now so thankful to be sharing in an in-depth study of The Acts of the Apostles with such a wonderful group of Christian women. Why hadn’t I heard of this before? From the first week we began in the book of Acts to where we currently are studying in Hebrews, not one week has gone by that I haven’t truly experienced growth and a greater hunger for the Word.

            My favorite part of B.S.F. is when we break off into small groups to discuss the study questions from the previous week’s lesson. I have grown to really love the women in my small group. They have encouraged me and challenged me in ways I could never imagine. My small group is made up of 13 women (including myself) from all different walks of life…different backgrounds…different cultures…ONE common purpose – to grow into the women God created us to be. Charlene is our small group leader and, besides me, she is the only American in the group. Mulu, Merkeb, Frehiwot, Enu, Genet, Tigist and Fitsum are all from different parts of Ethiopia. Natalia is from Russia and Kenya. Doreen is from Zimbabwe and Fidelity is from Burundi. Many of these women are not from Christian homes and some of them have been ostracized, persecuted and even renounced by their families and friends for their Christian beliefs. Most of them were raised with Orthodox beliefs and some even come from tribes that still worship other idols, sacrifice animals and have witch doctors. As I sit in this small circle hearing these women’s stories I can’t help but feel so convicted as I ask myself, “Now why is it that you have such a hard time sharing the Gospel with unbelieving members of your family, Kandi?” The way they hang onto every single syllable of truth in the scriptures we study just amazes me…and motivates me. I’ve never realized just how much I take for granted my freedom to learn about and worship our Mighty God.

            Please continue to pray for me and for the women in my group as we continue to dig in and mature in our faith.

“…let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:22-25

Ohhhh Kandi! (Awkward in every culture…)

Ohhhh Kandi! (Awkward in every culture…)

            For those of you who know me (even just a little bit) know that I can tend to be a little bit on the awkward side…ok, or maybe sometimes a lot. I knew that some friends back home would get a little laugh out of some of my most recent embarrassing moments since I’ve been in Ethiopia.

            For our first full week here as a team, we were living in a hotel in Dukem. We ate three meals a day downstairs in the restaurant and spent the rest of the time confined to the lobby of our floor…so, it wasn’t very hard for us to make friends with the hotel staff. Eto, the guy from the front desk, and Zeriun (“Zet”), one of the waiters, became two of our favorite people at the hotel. When they found out that we were Christians, they completely lit up with excitement! They were both involved in YoungLife, a Christian student ministry, and they loved talking to us about Jesus! They even tried to help us with our Amharic and told us that they would be more than happy to practice it with us when we finish the language school. One Sunday it was nice and sunny outside, so Grams and I decided to stay downstairs after lunch and enjoy a macchiato on the porch while we read, journaled and wrote letters. Zet came over to our table and picked up my bible and began asking questions. Then he just pointed and said, “2 Corinthians 5:17.” I quickly turned to it for him and he pointed and said, “SEE…I AM A NEW CREATION!”I jumped out of my chair, gave him the biggest bear hug (forgetting how culturally inappropriate that was – and especially more so since he was working) and said, “YES! You are!” I thought for sure that I had freaked him out just a little, especially since other people in the restaurant were looking at me like I was crazy. Don’t worry…my hugging didn’t stop there. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the ‘handshake/shoulder bump’ or the ‘handshake/kiss on alternate cheeks three times combo’ greetings. I keep trying to give ‘real’ hugs and I keep getting rejected.

            In language school we had 2 different teachers, Ebisse and Jallalie. On the first day of class, Jallalie ran into me outside the classroom, put out her fist and said, “Salem.” I paused for a moment not knowing what to do, but then I confidently ‘pounded’ her fist, said “Salem” and headed back to class. When I got in the room I asked Christina if Jallalie was just hip with her ‘fist-pounding’ or if I was supposed to do something else and she busted out laughing. Apparently I was supposed to politely shake her forearm. Needless to say, she pretty much avoided all physical interaction with me until the last week or two of the class…when I finally wore her down and forced some hugs out of her. It probably helped that she also had to see water come out of my nose one day when I got so tickled about something in class that I had to run out of the room with water spewing from my mouth and nose. (There’s nothing like a good nose-spewing in class to humble you and remind your classmates how mature you really are.) Sometime in the following week I also got to entertain the masses on the sidewalk when we were walking home from class. It had been raining really hard and heavy that day (just like every other day), so there was a lot of deep standing water on the roads. I was apparently the only person lost in my own world because everyone else saw the big truck coming right for us and got out of the way…while I just got covered (from head to toe) in the yucky water it splashed up as it sped by. Then when I turned around to notice the guys laughing behind me, I tripped on the rocks in front of me. Yep…just as cool as ever.

            There are probably countless other incidents, but I’ll just leave it at those for now. As you can see, not a whole lot has changed…I’m still about as smooth as sandpaper.

3rd Grade

3^rd Grade

            What would my 3^rd grade experience have been without my favorite teacher, Mrs. Vanmeter…a class pet (pig) named ‘Spike’…spelling bees…the lip smackers club on the playground…and most importantly, FRIENDS!?!

            Although our project has been delayed and we are not teaching in Crosspointe Christian Academy this year (our original plan), we still have this awesome opportunity to teach and impact one incredibly bright little girl – Izabella. As a team, we have the shared responsibility of homeschooling Izabella. Her classes are split up early in the day and we each teach a different subject. I spend the first block after breakfast with Izabella for morning prayer and Spelling. Amber teaches her Latin and History. Her mom teaches her Grammar and Science. Grams teaches her Math and her daddy teaches her Bible. She is so smart and has this beautiful passion for reading and for learning…and for talking! I am so thankful for the opportunity to start my day with this little girl who reminds me so much of me when I was in 3^rd grade. Izabella, like myself, is quite the extrovert and loves interacting with friends…but that’s the part that is missing from her 3^rd grade experience. She misses her friends and classmates from Providence very much. Every morning we pray together that she will soon meet new friends her age over here. The only other kid living in our compound is a little boy (4 or 5 years old) named Baruke and although he has become a great friend and play pal to Jack, it leaves Izabella longing even more for a new friend to share her time with.

            I am reminded daily just how important our relationships are and I’m so grateful for the friends that God has placed in my life over the years. I’m so thankful that my elementary school ‘lip smackers’ crew is still fully intact and growing strong (thanks only to the grace of God). Danielle, Anna, Tara, Sarah, Lauren and Neeley – my hope is that God brings Izabella friends that are as wonderful and as loyal as all of you!