sometimes it's just plain ol' ugly...

Sometimes it’s just plain ol’ ugly…

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1-3

God loves us just as we are. BUT, He loves us way too much to leave us the way we are. This is a truth that I’ve often shared with friends, but I’ve seldom reminded myself…until I came to Ethiopia. I thought that God’s work in my life over the past year was preparing me to come to Africa to change lives for Him. It is now very apparent to me that work He’s done in my heart over the past year was preparing me to come to Africa…so He could change ME.

For the first time in my life, I am away from ‘home.’ I’m away from my family, my friends, organizations that I’m involved in, my job, my hometown where everyone knows me and all of the other things that, for so long, have defined who I am. I find myself in a completely foreign country with people who, until now, knew absolutely nothing about me…completely stripped of conveniences, comforts, titles, reputations and anything else I’ve spent my life working for. I have nothing to boast in…and no one to boast to. The other people on my team are in the same boat as me, so I no longer have a need to wear a mask confidently pretending that I’ve got everything under control. We share many struggles and we share many joys. As a team we’ve been meeting weekly to study and discuss the Bible through a series that Michael has been leading us through, called ‘Peacemakers.’ At first it was a huge struggle for me, because the deeper we went, the more God was revealing to me about my heart…things that I didn’t want to see or believe could be true. The sinful nature of my heart was beginning to surface in the forms of pride and self-righteousness something awful. Just like Jesus was describing to his disciples in the scripture above…I was being pruned. I’m sure most of you know that this isn’t really an easy process. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s just plain ol’ ugly. Though it was very difficult for me, I had to ask myself if I would allow that refining process to take place…if I would allow God to do his complete work in me…or would I just let myself get in the way. I know you’re thinking that I really didn’t need to come all the way to Africa to allow God to break me…but the sad reality is that, I really did. Before coming to Ethiopia, much of my time was consumed with work…and when I wasn’t at work, I was working to earn acceptance and praise from other people. I spent very little of my time focusing on the ONE thing that matters most. I had to be brought to a place where I could be in control of nothing…where I had to be completely and totally dependent on God alone.

Am I glad I came here? Without a doubt! Is God finished with me? Not a chance! It may be hard at times, but I am so thankful for God’s perfect love that longs for me to be fruitful and beautiful in Him. I went back and forth for a while about whether I should share this part of my Ethiopian experience on a blog for everyone to read, but after much prayer I decided that the people who read this are probably the ones who love me the most and will continue to challenge me and hold me accountable when I get home.