Letter from a Jesus-loving bookworm…
It’s true. I’ve become a somewhat of a bookworm now that I have a little time to read. Since coming to Ethiopia, I’ve been (in the words of my dear friend Sarah Pacosa) “devouring” books…but not just ANY books…books to help in my spiritual growth. I feel like I have an insatiable hunger for more. I guess it’s too bad I can’t rack up points in the ‘accelerated reader program’ or earn personal pan pizzas from Book-It like I did in 3rd grade.
Anyway, I guess I said all of that to share some of the things God has been showing me through some of the things I’m reading. This is from one of the letters that I sent to a friend not long after I had been in Ethiopia…
…I think…if God was so incredibly loving and faithful throughout that season of my life, how can I NOT hand everything over now and trust him with this time too? Don’t worry – He sends me daily reminders (just in case I forget). I want to share a few of them with you…
As a team we are reading and discussing this book, “Ministering Cross-Culturally: An Incarnational Model For Personal Relationships.” The chapter that I read last Tuesday night seemed to speak right to those questions in my heart. The chapter was about the ways different people handle a crisis, but one of the parts that stuck out to me BIG TIME in this chapter wasn’t as much to do with the actual chapter…but more about my relationship with God. There was a story about this village in Yap that got hit by a typhoon in 1979 and some damage was done to a youth center. One of the teachers (an American missionary) was so upset and concerned that the damage to her classroom would let rain in and ruin all of her class materials. She told the Yapese pastor that it was an urgent matter and refused to hold class until it was fixed. The pastor told Andrew (the man in charge of maintenance) to fix it. Knowing that there was typically a period of a couple of weeks without rain after a typhoon, Andrew didn’t see the small classroom repair as urgent. His house had also sustained considerable damage in the storm (whereas the youth center only had minor damage), so he decided to fix his home first then fix the school. The teacher grew impatient and found a Filipino construction group to finish it for her. Andrew was upset and said to the Yapese pastor, “I have built every building in this place. I’ve made every repair that has ever been needed, and I would have made this one. Why didn’t they wait for me and trust me?”
Oh man, I couldn’t help but feel like that’s the way I make God feel sometimes. Instead of being patient, trusting and obedient – confident that God is All-Knowing, All-Powerful, Loving – I sometimes try to fix things myself or find answers when I grow impatient in waiting. “Why couldn’t they wait for me and TRUST me?” At the same time, I was also reading “The Ragamuffin Gospel” and on that day, this is where I picked up:
“Only love empowers the leap in trust, the courage to risk everything on Jesus, the readiness to move into the darkness guided only by a pillar of fire. Trust clings to the belief that whatever happens in our lives is designed to teach us holiness. The love of Christ inspires trust to thank God for the nagging headache, the arthritis that is so painful, the spiritual darkness that envelops us; to say with Job, “If we take happiness from God’s hand, should we not take sorrow too?” (Job 2:10); to pray with Charles Foucauld: “Abba, I abandon myself into your hands. Do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all: I accept all. Let your will be done in me and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my spirit. I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and I give myself, surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.” P. 117-118
Don’t you think God is trying to tell me something?! I think this is what he’s trying to tell all of us. No matter how strong we are (or think we are) in our faith, it is so easy to try to do everything ourselves. We try to solve problems, work in our own strength, be in control, and put up a shield of confidence in ourselves. Remember – Jesus said, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) We have to remember who WE are and who HE is. We are the LOVED children of God. He made us AND he bought us!
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